Welcome to the Roaring 20s

Happy new year everyone! The 2020s started with a roar and a bang, proving after only nine days that it’s not merely the new and improved 2010s. Just look at the evidence thus far:

The mad hatter in the White House has ‘taken out’ another mad hatter in Iran; such decisive action surely beats the House of Representatives’ wishy-washy impeachment fluff.

Thanks to finally having a majority government in place, the UK House of Commons has voted against protecting the right for unaccompanied child refugees to be reunited with their family after Brexit. For who needs parents anyway? Look at all these boarding school educated MPs, not to mention our very own prime minister; aren’t they all proof that families are for sissies?

Except, of course, in the case of the royal family. For shame on Harry and Meghan to opt out of that cosy family Christmas gathering at Sandringham, and then begin the new year by announcing they’re stepping back from royal duties.

What do they have to complain about? A bit of bullying from the press never hurt anyone; ‘sticks and stones can break your bones,’ and all that. As a caller to Nick Ferrari’s LBC programme pointed out this morning, “William also lost his mother, but he’s doing just fine.” “Kate Middleton was also an outsider, but she’s a credit to the royal family, so why can’t Meghan be more like her?” another caller said.

Racist abuse, what racist abuse? Britain isn’t racist, just ask Piers Morgan. He knows, 100%.

So, what if the British Academy Film Awards (Bafta) only nominated white men this year; is it their fault that all great films are made by, and featuring, white men?

No, no, this is the beginning of the roaring 2020s and tough luck if you can’t keep up. ‘Might makes right’ is back in fashion and if you don’t cut the mustard, it’s your own fault. These you don’t even have to be especially skilled at anything, because you can always ‘fail upwards’ (just ask the prime minister), so there’s no excuse for not making it in this world.

Blame the victim is the new parlour game and it’s going global. You were sexually assaulted while on holiday in Cyprus? Well, well, well, you should have known better than to hang out with a bunch of drunk lads. You died in a plane crash? Bad luck, but what business did you have going to Iran in the first place?

Forget about the three musketeers’ credo about all for one and one for all; the 2020s is going all ‘lord of the flies’. After 40 years of bondage, Great Britain is rising up again, and as the House of Commons made clear this week by voting against continued membership of the EU’s Erasmus education and youth programme, British youth don’t need European literature or education. No, no, we’re putting the Great back into Britain.

Yes, glory days are ahead of us (at least if you’re white, rich and preferably male).

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