When I first began writing this blog, more than five years ago, I did so in a dare with myself. I challenged myself to write about my experiences of growing up with a facial disfigurement, and to share my writing freely with the world. Why?
To begin with, I felt a deep-seated need to express my authentic self, having spent half a lifetime hidden beneath a veneer of intellectual acumen, academic success, and a wardrobe filled with unused designer bags. I also hoped that by sharing my experiences, I might provide some comfort to others living with a facial disfigurement, or parents of children born with cleft lip and palate.
Ultimately, I wanted to use my writing as a vehicle for expressing the most fundamental truth I’d discovered about myself and everyone else; that we are all born whole regardless of what we look like, our intellectual capacity, our accomplishments and abilities.
Over time, other topics inevitably made their way into my blog; my thoughts on politics, disability, climate change, etc., but at heart, my writing was always guided by that fundamental principle of being born whole.
Five and a half years after I posted my first blog post, it’s time for me to bid farewell – for now at least. Over the last few months, the urge to write and to express myself in the world, has gradually been replaced by a deeply felt need to go within; to sit in silence with myself, and to release myself from any expectations of accomplishment. I will no longer write a weekly blog, but if and when I feel the urge to write and share something I think matters, then I will do so.
The events of 2020 have most certainly influenced this development of mine. The stress of living through a pandemic has compelled me to take a fresh look at myself and my way of life. One thing I know for sure is that I don’t want to go back to ‘life as normal’ when the pandemic finally comes to an end.
The toxicity of social media, the dehumanising othering that is being driven by politicians, media pundits and citizens alike, is slowly but surely tearing the fabric of society apart. And it breaks my heart. All the while, consumerism, the sine qua non of economic growth, is not only destroying the planet, but it’s corrupting the human psyche as well.
Rather than preaching to others, however, I know I need to focus my attention on cleaning up my own house, addressing my own consumerist compulsions and judgemental attitudes. Be the change, Mahatma Gandhi said; well, in my case, it took a deadly pandemic to take that on board.
So be well, everyone; be kind to yourselves and each other, and, in the words of my favourite Swedish pop band Roxette, ‘listen to your heart.’